Men I Would Totally Sleep With… or Not

This post is brought to you because of  this post, which was the direct result of this one.

Perhaps I am old-fashioned, or maybe just plain boring. The only man I would totally sleep with would be my husband.

I’ve often said that if anything should happen to him, that is it for me. There’ll be no other long-term relationships. No marriages, no boyfriends. Nosiree Bob. I spent a good twenty years getting this one into shape, and some days I’m not sure if it was worth all the hard work and effort. Oh, I love him, very deeply, but I don’t see that kind of love happening again. This marriage is a once-in-a-lifetime deal for me.

This is not to say that I don’t think some other men are appealing. Take Bobby Goat Gruff (My Internet Boyfriend), or whatever moniker he is going by this week. This guy can be extremely funny. Humor is very important in my world. And that’s not all. When MIB and I are discussing deeper topics, I feel that he can see right into my soul. This is very comforting. However, I don’t have any inclination to have sex with him. Although the thought of really sleeping in the bed with him and his sweetie is a tantalizing thought. I’d bring the down comforter, the flannel jammies and matching flannel sheets. We could eat popcorn in bed and tell ghost stories. It would be just like a slumber party for adults!

Just because I’m satisfied at home doesn’t mean that I don’t think some men aren’t attractive. Take Richard Gere now. Richard Gere back in the day when he was An Officer and a Gentleman-NO. Yes, Mr. Gere has aged very well. He is eye-candy of the Godiva kind for this woman. I’ve often said that Adam Sandler would be my perfect dream date. True, he’s goofy looking, but again, I would be looking for a funny collaboration. Also, I’ve never dated a Jewish boy. This would kill two birds with one stone.

My fascination of the day is Stephen Colbert. He’s ridiculously funny, and not bad looking too. I’m a sucker for a guy in a tie. Plus, he could be the President. We all know how being in the Oval Office can charm the panties off some gals.

22 Responses

  1. I always said the same thing about what I would do if (God forbid) anything happened to Mr. Rizzuto. Actually, I thought I’d just find a 20-year-old Latino and have him come around once a month or so.

  2. Booty call is not the same as a husband or boyfriend, Wanda. A booty call can be a beautiful thing!

  3. I like a good booty call every now and then myself. Husband or not. And I think Steven Colbert is cute too, lol.

  4. I have flannel pajamas. They rule.

    We could crochet together. No crackers or snacks in the bed. I do have down-filled slippers too.

  5. Hehehe…you’ve inspired me…

  6. BGG, I didn’t know you could crochet! We could make matching sweaters!

  7. My trackback didn’t show up. Arggg. I would sleep with Mr. Gruff too, flannel turns me on.

  8. I too know how to crochet (in fact, if you look at my pix in The Other Place — I made the bedspread pictured in the photo of my cat on the bed) but since I’m no fun at all to sleep with (I’m restless, and other people’s snoring makes me slap them) I bet you won’t invite me to the party, even if I bring a tuning fork.

    In other odd news — when I was at college, one of my guy friends was an avid knitter. I’d learned how to crochet from my mother, and did it obsessively as a way to calm down. We were quite the strange pair, to say the least.

  9. I very much liked your first full paragraph, about your marriage being a once-in-a-lifetime deal. I hope I end up feeling that way about my own upcoming marriage. At the moment, I think that if something happened to him, I would eventually find somebody else, but I don’t think that someone else would ever live up to the first one.

    I have a bit of a weakness for Stephen Colbert myself. If only I lived in South Carolina…

  10. David, I am ever so amazed every day! First the tuning fork, then the crochet. What next? I’m with you in that snoring makes me want to kill someone. I’ve learned how to poke the offender with my elbow… then he rolls over. Of course, he claims not to snore. Slumber parties are not for slumbering. They are more for partying, so I think you’re safe if we extend an invite.

    Oh, yes, South Carolina… a new reason to visit.

  11. In fact, I’m completely inept at crocheting but I have great faith in both your patience and my ability to learn with practice especially while wearing flannel.

    I agree with David that tuning forks are the way to go if you aren’t able to just remember what A 440 sounds like.

    And, yes teaspoon, pan’s first paragraph is indeed splendid. The very thought is one that causes my most uncomfortable paranoia though there are a couple of other thoughts that I’m not able to entertain enough to even become paranoid.

  12. Why do they even call them slumber parties? They should call them something else. I don’t know what exactly, though. Anti-slumber parties? Night revels?

    You might be even more amazed to know that after accumulating a closetful of quite elaborate bedspreads that I didn’t feel comfortable giving to anyone because it’s embarrassing to admit that I find it soothing to do fussy girly handicrafts (I mean, I can admit it here because nobody here really knows me) I taught myself how to do fancy needlework because it takes longer and takes up less space. It’s also somewhat less soothing … the great thing about crocheting is how hypnotic it is; it often put me into a sort of otherworldly trance, after which I would often do some good writing. This experience led me to think that most undemanding repetitive actions had the capacity to activate the creative unconscious, which has proven true for most of the people to whom I have recommended the method. Like your Zen leaf raking.

  13. I agree, David. My needlework of choice is knitting. Too much twisting with crochet.

  14. I prefer knitting as well, although I’m not especially good at either one, and I always seem to get tired of it halfway through a project.

  15. I agree with you about not really wanting to sleep with anyone other than my husband. I like him, he knows what I want and what I like and how to do things just right. I’ve got him trained! Plus I know how much he cares about me and that means a lot, even in bed.

    For hotness, George Clooney, David Boreanaz, Mac from CSI:NY (can’t remember his name offhand), and such would all be fun bodies for my husband to wear–but I don’t want to sleep with them as themselves (maybe I would if he was dead, I’d worked through it, and I’d gotten to know one of them really well).

  16. How about weaving and spinning?

  17. By “needlework” I actually meant, um *cough* cross stitch. Knitting is still fiber art. 🙂

    BGG, you should know by now that, like the lilies of the field, I toil not … neither do I spin.

  18. My mother is an avid weaver. When we lived in NM, she used to sell her rugs on Canyon Road in Santa Fe. I like it too, but I don’t have a loom, nor the space for a loom. I guess I could take up spinning, but most of the time when I don’t have something that urgently has to be done, I’d rather read a book.

  19. I keep thinking of more tales to tell to pan. My goodness. Too many to type all at once and so I type none. Maybe you’re inbox will be full after this long weekend.

  20. That would be nice.

    Since when did knitting become a “fiber art” and cross stitch not? Any time you use your hands with a needle, it’s needlework to me.

  21. Well, but knitting needles aren’t really needles. I mean, I hate to be fussy, but needlework technically refers to something you do with a needle and thread, such as embroidery, cross stitch, needlepoint, etc. Knitting is knitting, but it isn’t needlework. Ask any Victorian matron.:-)

  22. I have a problem with colour. So, I’m still not sure that I should take up a textile activity as a new serious hobby. Like…I mean…I think I want to try something where I at least have a chance of fitting in with the rest of humanity. I know I won’t. That’s OK. I just want to be able to support the illusion that I’m not an alien while I’m doing it.

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