Today I’m Pondering Butts and Repairmen

My husband gets up earlier than I do, and that’s because he’s Type A ambitious and likes to work out at 5 a.m. After his hour of exercise, he will come upstairs to take a shower. By this time, it’s around six-ish, and I’m just about ready to think about opening my eyes. I can hear the TV news and smell the coffee, but yet try to capture a couple minutes more of sleep.

Today he came out of his shower and began to dress, as per usual. I was sprawled across his side of the bed, my eyes half open. His back was to me, and I watched as he put on his boxers, then his pants.

I don’t know what it is about boxers, or when he started wearing them (it must have been long after marriage) but I must say, his butt looks ever so fetching in them. (I’ve always been attracted to backsides. It was the first thing I noticed about my husband.) I was glad when he made the change from tighty-whiteys to boxers. I don’t know what it is, but there’s something so very wrong about briefs on grown men.

Boxers are naturally nicer. Not only do they free up the “boys” to hang looser, they also do not leave tell-tale brief lines under the khakis. In addition, you can buy them in lots of cool patterns and way-out designs. My husband tends to stick with solid colors, but my son, who also wears boxers, likes the trendy ones.

While taking my own shower, I pondered the behinds of other men. Oh, it’s not that I’m interested in anything more than the aesthetic nature of a man’s rear end. I tend to like them thin with a bit of fatty hip. Currently, we have a lot of workmen in the house during the bathroom remodel. I started thinking of all the workmen I’ve ever seen over my lifetime, all the plumbers, exterminators, electricians, cable and satellite dish repairmen, furnace guys, carpet cleaners, heck, even the piano tuner. Even though I’ve witnessed lots of ass cracks, none in this parade of butts have been outstanding. In fact, for the most part, the butts are totally uninteresting. Perhaps I can’t get past the jeans and overalls to imagine the boxers, briefs and butts. For that reason, I can’t see myself jumping the bones of some random guy coming to replace the condenser on my refrigerator. I tend to think of a romp in the sack like that as being of urban legend.

Although most repairmen are pretty ho-hum in some respects, I did have a surprise about a month ago. At the time, we had a front door replaced at our rental house. The young man who came to do the work looked amazingly like a guy I was once engaged to, at the time I was engaged to him. He looked to be in his mid-twenties, was about the same height and had the same walking mannerism, had the same unruly blond and thinning hair, the same Roman nose, and the same butt. The only thing different was his voice. It was manlier and deeper than my previous fiance’s.

Boy. I think I’d better go back to work now.


20 Responses

  1. Quite a few coffee stands now have nubile young women in bikinis handing out the lattes. When these young women are interviewed and hired, their “assets” surely play a significant role in the hiring decision.

    Based on your article, I imagine a new series of ads for repair services that resemble those calendars for “hot” firemen. Reminds me of some blues songs from before World War II, typically loaded with double-entendres about repairmen.

    For example, Bo Carter:

    All Around Man (1936) (What the title doesn’t reveal is the nature of his all-roundness – he can do the screwing until the plumber comes; your grinding until the miller comes; he can blow your hole until the auger man comes, and he can bounce your springs until the spring man comes – make no mistake – Bo Carter was versatile!

  2. I simply refused to work through lunch. So, I read this.

    I wonder about the not recently enough showered nature of repair/workmen’s butts. That would be enough to not enthuse me.

    I had a funny experience looking at someone’s butt a while ago. I had taken a child to pre-school. While helping said child remove boots and coat and scarf and so forth, the child noticed a mother doing the same for her child. The notable thing (to my child) was that said mother was wearing the same brand of form fitting exercise pants that my sweetie wears. So, my child was excited by this and repeatedly demanded that I look at her pants. Since she was bent over with her butt towards me, I was forced to repeatedly check out her butt. In a way I didn’t mind — she has a very nice butt — though it could have been a bit socially awkward. Fortunately, as the mother of a four-year-old, she understood the whims of four-year-olds and didn’t think I was being a freak.

  3. Oh yeah! That reminds me. I still want ‘calipygeon’ to be the word of the year.

  4. cal·li·pyg·i·an /ˌkæləˈpɪdʒiən/ Pronunciation Key – Show Spelled Pronunciation[kal-uh-pij-ee-uhn] Pronunciation Key – Show IPA Pronunciation
    –adjective having well-shaped buttocks.

    I had to look that up. You misspelled it, darling.

  5. By the way, MIB, I think that it’s funny your child noticed the other parent having the same pants as your sweetie. I’m sure he didn’t notice if she had the same bum.

  6. I can’t spell. At least I was saying it right. Then again, I learned it by hearing it said rather than by reading it. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen it in print.

    The thing about that woman is that her bum is both stellar and not her best feature. Physically, she is overall stunning. That isn’t her best feature either. She’s awesomely nice.

  7. Nice makes up for stunning butts on mean people any day.

  8. Interesting read. Somehow this is foreign to me. I must be strange. I don’t look at body parts. I look at eyes.

  9. Corina, I don’t always look at butts. Faces are great features. But every once in a while, a rear end of distinction sort of jumps out at me. Usually, it’s my husband’s!

  10. You shouldn’t be blogging about other men Pan. Shame on you.

  11. Since I’m in a self-centered mental zone right now, I’m reminded of my article entitled something like “Man Notices Wif’es Butt”.

    You know what? I now feel resolved to not stay up ridiculously late working. I’m going to stay up a bit late and not get everything done and if someone complains I’m going to say, “I guess you shouldn’t have given me tenure. It’s a bit too late now.” Instead of staying up late, I’m going to make a careful study of my sweetie’s butt to make sure that I still like it.

  12. I don’t really notice butts. It’s all in the hands for me.

  13. Hello – I made it to the other side.

  14. I only notice butts if they’re outstanding. Like I said, my husband’s is the one, even after twenty *cough cough* some years.

  15. How come Vicky hasn’t come to visit me yet?

  16. I don’t know. She’s been a point ho at the other location.

  17. The ‘urban legend’ thing reminded me of something interesting (I think) that happened to me several months ago. I wanted to show my house to a friend who wasn’t someone I could really invite over in a regular way — nosy neighbours, you know. So he put on coveralls with a name patch that he happened to have from a former job. When he arrived at the door wearing them, with a clipboard, I actually found it quite arousing, even though I don’t think I’ve ever really been attracted to strange men arriving at my door to check my meter or fix my plumbing.

  18. Why, pmousse, you kinky thing! 😀

  19. I completely agree re: boxers vs. briefs. It is possible to be dashing and sexy in a pair of nice boxers (esp. if they’re silk). It’s possible only to look stupid in briefs,even (or perhaps absolutely) if you’re Tom Cruise in “Risky Business.” I mean, talk about embarrassing.

  20. No kidding!

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