Today’s Stark Realizations

Every so often, I’m struck by glances of intelligence. Today was one of those days.

I just realized that as long as my son is here, visiting us from his new home on the West Coast, I am not going to get anything of any importance done.

This is not because he needs his mommy to hold his hand or to help him figure out things to do. He hasn’t been here in a year and a half; he has plenty of things to do. Besides, he has a girlfriend in attendance to help him with that.

My stark realization came when I went to tidy up the house a bit this morning. Not only is my daughter a slob, my son is one, too. My world is now complete! He had his checkbook, Christmas cards, gifts, shoes and jacket in various spots in the house. Although he is in his adult years, he sometimes acts like a helpless child. He is using the power cord to my laptop, since his no longer works. This means that I can’t write at home. He “borrowed” my USB storage for all the pictures they took. (I said, “Go ahead and take it” because it is easier to buy another one than to hope for him to send it back.) He ate (among many other things) an entire box of Godiva chocolate I received as a Christmas gift from one of my employees.

The other major thought I have is that perhaps I have gotten too used to my semi-empty nest. This is somewhat disturbing, yet also exhilarating. It’s disturbing in the fact that my children are not my main focus, but it’s exhilarating for exactly the same reason.

I love my children, but I really wanted to get away from those days where I was defined by them. “Susie’s Mom” or “Charley’s Mom.” I didn’t have a first name, and only rarely had a last name. The only good thing about being a mom was to finally be known as a “missus” someone. The school would call and say “Mrs. Demonic, I’m afraid you’ll have to come down and get Charley. He stabbed a classmate with a pencil.” Ah, the glory days.

My children were most annoyed when I started taking art classes and violin lessons. At the time, my son was in high school, and I knew my days as Taxi Mom and all-around gopher were almost at an end, so I purposefully made commitments that didn’t include them. They pouted every Monday night when I went to my nude drawing class and they were left to their own devices for dinner. (Just a clarification: I wasn’t nude, the models were.) I found that even though most of my utensils ended up broken and some of my pots burned beyond salvation, they managed to survive their own meals.

Sunday will come soon enough. I always cry when I say good-bye to my son, and no doubt I will again. After the trip to the airport, I’ll go home and kick up my feet in my lovely purple stuffed chair and turn my laptop on using my own power cord and enjoy a bit of peace and quiet.


16 Responses

  1. OK, I was going to say something very wise about how they call it raising children, but it’s really raising adults? But now all I can think about is that I SO envy you having a purple chair…

    Yay, Pan! 🙂

  2. I should take a picture of it. It’s got to be the most comfortable chair in the house!

  3. I really like the thought of you as Mrs. Demonic. 🙂

  4. It was wise to have planted those seeds for yourself while they were still around.

    This brings a whole new perspective to “you can’t go home again.” Except now it’s they can’t come home again and stay here for too long. 🙂

  5. I’m thinking you may want to buy a new power cord to avoid some disappointment. I wouldn’t count on it not being wrecked. Think about it. There are still several days until Sunday.

    I still look over my shoulder for Daddy when I hear “Mr.” or “Dr.” Weird that — especially the second one.

  6. It is wonderful isn’t it? We get to enjoy them in short bursts and get to enjoy being without them.

    Hehehe, the nest isn’t empty it’s just cleaner and more quiet.

  7. 1. Your son is a future husband in training. That’s why he leaves his stuff all over the place. I have yet to meet anyone’s husband who acts othewise.

    2. Your daughter is still the baby and still needing to assert that she needs you, even if she has a foot and a half out the door! Besides, with your son there, she’ll take on his actions as her own. Or something like that.

    I really don’t know of any adult children who come home and act adult. I think the mere fact that they are in mom and dad’s home makes them regress to their little kid days; when they couldn’t do anything for themselves.

  8. I sit in my purple chair for exactly ten minutes after she leaves for school and before I leave for office and the house is sooo quiet and peaceful and finally I have the remote.

  9. OH! Someone else with a purple chair!

  10. I don’t leave my stuff everywhere. But, I’m not the best counter-example I can think of. When my sister and brother-in-law were living with us, he had a space about 8 inches by 8 inches on top of a dresser for his stuff. That was it. Total. I was impressed.

  11. I’m going through the no-name phase right now. I know I will be just like you when my kids are gone!

    By the way, I HAD a purple chair, and ironically, one of my kids broke it. sigh.

  12. My kids would never leave. They grew up, and the oldest moved 4 blocks away and had 4 kids. They invaded me continually.

    The middle one moved 5 doors down. The youngest just wouldn’t get out of the house.

    I fixed them. I fell in love and moved 40 miles away. The oldest moved so she was only 20 miles away. An improvement.

    The middle one moved into my old house.

    The youngest one followed me and lives around the corner; about a 45 second walk.

    My purple chair is burgundy.

  13. Ina, sounds like like things worked out well!

  14. How I envy you. Two more years ’til college for the big one, and a mere fourteen more for the little one. Mama needs a vacation.

    Oh, and they both steal all my shit, too. ‘Tis the nature of the beast, I suppose.

  15. My eldest is on the cusp of leaving. I find myself alternating between weeping at the thought, and hinting that he should be getting ready to go.

    Yes, I identify with the taking and breaking of my stuff. I really can’t wait to buy something and be able to assume it will remain present and unbroken.

  16. Heathenly & P’Mousse, if you have daughters, you also have to worry when they are big enough to steal your clothes and shoes. I thanked God when mine outgrew me. I finally got my wardrobe back.

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