The Tide Must Be Out

I just realized that my husband and I haven’t had any remarkable sexual encounters lately.

Oh, we’ve had plenty of sexual encounters, they’re just not very remarkable. In fact, you could probably say they were bordering on the mundane.

I wish that I could teach my husband how to use a digital camera. Then he could take pictures of my ass like another well-known blogger’s husband takes of her ass. You can check that out HERE. My husband has a camera in his phone, but the only photos on it are those that I or my daughter took. He is using my old cell phone, the one I gave up when I got my BlackBerry. Once I sent him a photo of San Francisco taken from the top of Twin Peaks. This was back in April 2005. He’s never figured out how to open it. I used to text message him, because if he’s teaching a class, he can’t be disturbed by a phone call. Again, he’s never figured out how to read my messages.

Speculation is that office sex must becoming ho-hum. I’m sure I could get into it more if he could take me on his desk. We used to do it there, because we often couldn’t make it across the room to the couch in time. Unfortunately, right now his desk is covered with papers, pens, crap, crap and more crap. If the contents of his desk were in a house, it would be a garbage house, no doubt. I’m not sure what color the desktop is. If I were to sit on it today, I’d likely break something either on me or on the desk.

We could move over to my office, but I don’t have any comfortable furniture in it. Since I do a lot of layout, I mostly have tables. Tables are hard and cold. The floor is an option, but my rug needs cleaning in the worst way. We had our Christmas party in there, and I think someone spilled something made from cranberries. Anyway, I’m too old to be having sex on the floor.

We’ve done it in the car, which is not very comfortable either, especially in the wintertime. Our winters are brutally cold, and you have to be really horny to have sex when it’s any degree below 32. When you get to be my age, comfort is of utmost consideration. After seeing “Titanic” where the two lovers do it in a car (and someone’s hand wipes the steam away from the window), I lost my enthusiasm for in-the-car sex. If my ship were going down, I think I’d be looking for a life jacket and a sturdy boat and not to get my rocks off. We’ve also done it on the car. (Don’t worry, folks. The car was parked in the garage. The garage door was closed.) My personal tip: if you’re going to do it on your car, make sure you’ve taken it to the car wash first.

Perhaps we could move from his office into a classroom. The thought of having sex where teenagers normally congregate is so very wrong. Teenagers equals hormones. It’s so wrong, it just might get the juices flowing again.

The one thing they say about the tide is always true. If the tide is out, it will no doubt come back in again, sometime.

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9 Responses

  1. We’ve started having a motel weekend once a month. When we are home, because my Mom is here and invalid, there is a baby monitor in most of the rooms of our house, so if Mom needs me I can hear her. Even if Mom is asleep and all is serene, it’s always in the back of my mind that the baby monitor is there. It’s much worse than when our children were babies. Also, if my Mom is awake, which is until about 2 am., the television is blasting loudly through the monitors. She cannot be awake without the TV on. So we pay our daughters to tag-team Grannysit for 24 hours and we go to a motel somewhere within a two-hour drive of home. We get in our jammies as soon as we get to the motel, unless we go for a swim, and we hang around and read, which is absolutely blissful without a TV blaring, we eat Taco Bell in the middle of one of the beds, we have pillow fights, we talk and we love each other physically. i wish we could do it every single weekend, but our daughters wouldn’t go for that. In summer, we go camping instead, and have sex outside, or outside on the picnic table, or in the camper in the middle of the afternoon with people walking by on the road 10 feet away. Anyway, that’s what we do and that’s the best suggestion I can come up with. It’s also conducive to play if you rent a room with a hot tub.

  2. Vicky, you’re one cool chick! I have a jacuzzi, well, sort of. It’s in the unfinished bathroom. My husband is too cheap for a hotel room. I think he’s too cheap for a motel room. Maybe I can find one of those where you rent by the hour. He just might go for that.

  3. Maybe it’s just a dry spell- pun intended- and it will pass. I hope so, romance is fun, we try to find interesting times and places, sometimes right on the edge of getting caught.

  4. I’m so glad the kids are out of the house!

    I know this makes me the most boring person on the planet, but I don’t want excitement. I like the lazy comfort of familiar sex.

  5. 🙂 We always had kids in the house, which is why we started going to the office! Maybe when both are gone for good, we’ll take the house back. Six more months to go…

  6. I like your positive attitude! If the tide is out, it will no doubt come back in. Very true, very positive.

  7. Thanks, Corina. I like using seaside references. I think you know why.

  8. I have a request. With my new crappy slow internet connection, the sound thing is a minor bother. Could you please set it so that it doesn’t start automatically?

    I have a comment too. Ever since I got a mosquito bite right on my butt, I’ve been opposed to outdoor sex. OK. That’s too strong of a statement. I’m opposed to outdoor sex during mosquito season which is all the time except when it is too cold.

    And, yeah. It sure does go in cycles. Things are going well here right now but I still totally hear what Shawn W is saying.

  9. The sound! Damn it, I turned it down for teaspoon. That took me two months to figure out. Now you want me to not automatically start? That’ll take another two months, the way I’m going.

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