Falling Into a Hole

I’ve been working on my novel, and fear that because I’m doing so, I am falling into a hole.

This is because the book isn’t exactly a tome of happiness and joy. In fact, I like to think of it as one woman’s journey into hell and back.

I have a bit of experience there, since I’ve seen both sides of the emotional spectrum. I’ve been happy. I’ve also been so sad and depressed, I could have been put into a coma for the duration and it would have been all for the good.

This bit of fiction takes bits and pieces from my real life and is woven into what is turning out to be a crazy quilt of a tale. It’s told in a classic form (or at least it was classic when I was growing up), things are good, things get very bad, things get very, very bad, things get better.

My heroine doesn’t crawl out of her hole for many chapters to come. Her life doesn’t start to look rosy for at least 50,000 more words, maybe more.

Meanwhile, I’m reliving some not-so-wonderful times right now, and trying to translate it into something worthwhile. This has affected my personality, I’m afraid.

Last week, I did something kind of crazy. I revealed a secret, which was kind of strange. I was not coerced to reveal my secret. It wasn’t going to gain me anything. To the two persons I revealed it to, they were probably in shock.

I thought about it much later. This was behavior not like myself, at all! I think what I was trying to do was to push these two people away. “Here, here’s a horrible fact about me. Please don’t be my friend anymore. I’m not worthy of your consideration.” That’s not what I meant consciously, but it could have been meant that way subconsciously.

Then I remembered that the character in my book did something similar just a few pages before.

My friends should be forewarned. I’m not exactly myself these days. I’m about a dozen people rolled into one. But, when I fall into the hole, I’ll be out a lot sooner than my main character, thank goodness.

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13 Responses

  1. If you need a lamp let me know.

  2. That’s kind of scary. I would hate to relive my darkest moments for my craft. It makes me glad I’m not a novelist and just a rather silly writer.

  3. Hey Pande,

    Think of it this way. In bluegrass, we have all these horrible songs about killing and such so we can get rid of those thoughts in a socially acceptable way.

    Every one thinks we are terrible, ’cause we’ll sing about some guy hitting his wife’s boyfriend in the head with a shovel, but I think it beats a fellow not admitting he would have the desire to do so under similar circumstances.

    To write about such things is similar. Tis better to write dark thoughts than harbor them till they become real. As we say in bluegrass, then you can get shed of them.

    Dr. B

  4. Hey, Dr. B. Oooo-eee! I like that song idea about hitting the wife’s boyfriend on the head with a shovel! That’s right up my alley! If you’re on YouTube, I wish you’d post it! 🙂

  5. I’ve never attempted a book and never will, but I’ve read about authors having these problems when writing. One writer I know personally, Ian Rankin, can’t read anything but research material while he’s writing or he finds himself plagerizing, so for about 6-8 months at a time, he doesn’t read novels or anything very pleasurable. He, too, finds himself acting in the way his main character would act, rather than how his own personality would actually react. He recently stuck his foot in his mouth in Britain saying that lesbians crime writers have more violent, graphic scenes than male writers. He swears that was his character, Detective Rebus, coming out. That doesn’t cut the mustard with the woman he was referring to, though. Like acting, I’m sure every writer has to step into their character’s shoes to make them believable.

  6. I am intensely emotional, and it affects my writing. My writing also seems to affect me.

  7. I still love you. No matter who you are today. Or even tomorrow, for that matter.

  8. Ditto. I’m impressed that you can even attempt to write a novel.

  9. I’m thinking that you don’t have to write it in order.

    Like herechilln, I still adore you. I haven’t noticed you being less than your usual wonderful self.

    I have noticed that I haven’t talked to herechilln in a while. That’s kind of daft of me. But, I’m done on the computer for today so it will just have to wait for another day.

  10. I assume you have the ending or at least part of it in your head. Maybe you could outline it, and when the path gets dark…pull it out and remind yourself of the happy ending.

    I also want to add that a friend of mine told me something very personal a couple of months ago. She had hidden something for years, and she started the sentence with “don’t hate me.” I felt bad for her, and sad about what she told me-but, if anything it made me want to draw closer to her-not run away. She seems so surprised that her friends haven’t turned away because of her “secret.”

  11. Hmm… I still would like to hear that song about the shovel…

  12. There must be a special kind of therapy for writers immersed in their craft. There should be. It takes courage to write this kind of story. I have been leaning toward one myself about a very difficult but well documented (in journals) time in my life with the intention of weaving it into a larger piece as you are doing. I have done this with poems and very short essays about other difficult times, but not this particular one. I got about three sentences in and stopped. It’s difficult work.

    Congratulations on getting so much of your story written!

  13. I do know what you mean. That’s exactly what happened to me when I was writing my Nanowrimo novel in 2006. It was aggravated by the intensity of the writing period. To have my character go through the things she did and then suffer a mental breakdown and bring her back from it in 30 days, was really something I would not ever recommend to anyone else. It nearly did me in. I suffered for it through several months after I finished, too.

    Take care of yourself. Relax. Treat yourself with some kind of meditation or distraction after each writing session. Yes EACH or you will live the life of your character.

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