Ramblings of a Frustrated Matchmaker

Many things have been running through my head in the last few days. This is no different from any other grouping of days, but I thought I would begin this post in this way. I’ve been a deep thinker ever since I can remember, and I can remember back when I was two.

I’ve been thinking of my internet boyfriend, who isn’t a real boyfriend. He’s a boy and a friend, but not a “boyfriend.” There’s no lust involved. If truth be told, I believe him to be a MAN and a friend, but MANfriend sounds a bit unwieldy. I like boyfriend. Which is neither here nor there, because sometimes he thinks he’s a robot. Sometimes he thinks he is other things as well. This amusing bit of chameleon-ness is rather endearing.

Anyway, MIB has a lot on his mind these days, and a lot on his plate (figuratively, not literally) so his attention has been elsewhere. This is okay by me. The lull in silly banter has provided me with an opportunity to add a couple thousand words to my novel. (I’m not a painfully slow writer; I just don’t have eight consecutive hours to write, so I write when I have a half hour or more.)

Another person I know here is a delightfully wonderful person known as David Rochester. I met him on another web site last year, and was immediately drawn into his circle of net-groupies. He writes beautifully, and his mini-essays about himself are told wryly. Usually, I laugh, but it’s not because I’m laughing at him. His posts are told from a point of view that’s both real and humorous. I like him, but he’s not my internet boyfriend. He’s very self-effacing, which I don’t think is deserved. My opinion, of course. Anyone with a mind and heart like his doesn’t need a princely outer covering.

At one point, I think I told him if I were his age and unattached I think I might have to pursue him. This was before I really knew anything about him, except that he writes like an angel. I have since amended that thought. I would have had to have gotten my hooks into him in elementary school for me to be effective.

Then there is my friend, Wanda. She is crushing on Orlando Bloom big time. She’s been following him for months, if not years, for her 15 minutes or 36 seconds of audience with the Great One. Why, I’m not sure. Oh, yes, he’s attractive enough, in a fey sort of way. He doesn’t do anything for me, of course. (Give me Richard Gere any day.) The absolutely horrible thing is that guy seems to be snubbing her. And after she started a mini-web riot with her fan clubs of him. You’d think Orly would give her a call; after all, they’re hanging in the same ‘hood.

The reason for this rambling rose of a post is that I wish I could do something for David and Wanda. (MIB needs no help, and neither do I.) I’ve had some experience as a matchmaker, too. I’d like to place an ad on Craigslist for David, and screen the applicants very carefully. Probably none of them will work out for him, but it would be great entertainment for me. For Wanda, I’d like to put up a billboard in her city. “Dear Orlando Bloom, please see me at http://www.wandarizzuto.com.” If that doesn’t get his attention, I don’t know what will.

Okay, that’s enough ramblings. Back to work now.

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14 Responses

  1. You rock Pan. You rock so hard. A billboard might be a little excessive though. Maybe I could get an ad in Craigslist too?

    I’m inches away from writing my breakup post though.

  2. I meant expensive, not excessive.

  3. I don’t know about that, Wanda. You can get a billboard here for a month at about $300, placed on a major freeway into Rust City. Of course, the changes of Bloomie driving by on MY freeway is pretty remote.

    Maybe we can take up a collection?

  4. I find it very interesting how this little circle has gotten so involved in each other’s lives. And I don’t mean it as a criticism at all. I would give almost anything if I could help David. And I would really like to see Ms. Rizzuto meet that Bloom guy, although I’m not into him either. (I’m with you. I’ll take Richard Gere any day, any time!) And then there’s that IB of yours! BTW, I owe you an email about a possible trip. Maybe I can do that soon. The email, that is.

  5. Hmm…my ass on a billboard….I don’t think even I’m that desperate.

    I don’t think he’d pass by it either, but I think the point would be to get the word out. Six degrees of separation and all.

    Then again, $300 is a bargain….

  6. I’m with Wanda — I think Mr. Bloom rocks. Of course, David rocks more. And YIB is also cool. But David rocks the most. Well, so does Johnny Depp.

  7. I have to vote for the ass on the billboard thing. I would vote for Wanda’s ass there but … I admit I don’t really care who’s bum it is. I just think given the election stuff going on an attractive woman’s bum on a billboard would be ever so much better than the ass signs I’ve been seeing.

    Oh yeah. Thanks for the nice compliments. It gave me a new thing to think about. “Womanfriend.” I think I like girlfriend better. It sounds more like shopping (and you know my limits there) and chocolate (as if limits should even be considered here).

  8. That’s very sweet of you, Pan. Maybe the idea solution would be for me to hook up with Wanda?

    I’m just saying.

  9. Well, I am in the market for a new boyfriend. Orlando is cheating on me.

  10. Interesting. You guys could hook up as IB and IG. I’m sure Mr. Rizzuto wouldn’t mind.

    But wait a minute. Isn’t the Fisher Price doll Rochester’s IG?

    Although… that idea of Wanda’s photoshopped (she says) ass on the billboard with a prominently bolded web address would probably get his attention.

  11. Do you triple dog dare me?

  12. Triple dog dare YOU!

    🙂

  13. You could just mail a bunch to me and I could print them and put them up in my front window.

    Wait. That’s just too peculiar. Hmm. No. It isn’t too peculiar. It is peculiar in a way that doesn’t match me. I’ll think of something else that’s strange to do instead.

  14. […] OK with Orlando being a big cheater.  He’ll come back to me.  I’ll just have to get a billboard…but more about that […]

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