Lobbying for Adoption

I’m about “this” close to putting myself up for adoption on eBay. No, it’s not because of this that I’m looking for a new home. It’s because I woke up to six inches of snow, YET AGAIN.

I really don’t know how much more of this I can take. Winter sucks. Royally.

I have a really nice net-friend, and you all know him. He’s My Internet Boyfriend. Beyond the confines of this forum, we share email which can range from sublimely serious to definitively wacky. We’ve known each other for about a year, and I like him a lot. I’ve seen video of his family, and he’s seen video of me singing some country’s national anthem. He even sent me a gift, which was damn nice of him. But before any of you get the notion that our relationship is more than friendship, I guess I would like to clarify. Yes, it is more than friendship. MIB is more like a brother to me.

In an email last week, he was describing a house guest who doesn’t really have a job, but chips in by taking on some household tasks. I thought the guy was one lucky dude. He hit the jackpot by bunking with MIB. So I replied back, “Well, why don’t you adopt me?” His answer dealt along the lines of getting rid of his wife. This was not my intent! My reply was then, “I don’t want you to marry me, I want you to adopt me!”

The more I think about this, the more I like this idea, so I am now lobbying full time for adoption. Think of it! I could be the sister MIB doesn’t have. (He has a sister, but not one like me!) I can cook. I enjoy cleaning and laundry. I can babysit the kids. I have a clean driving record and can shuttle them around. I can run errands. I’m a master with organization and would keep the house tidy. In addition, I’m pretty smart with conversation and I’m no dummy when it comes to Scrabble.

I’m loyal, trustworthy, and honest. And after July, I’ll be without minor children. (What to do with Mr. Demonic… Hmmm… I’m still working on that.)

The trade off is that I would be far, far away from this Rust Belt northern clime. Oh, sure, he’s farther north in another country, but from the sounds of it, his location is rather temperate. When we are under siege by Alberta clippers, he’s enjoying 50 degree days and light jackets. Although located fairly centrally, his city is also much closer to the ocean than I am, which is a huge plus. It appears that the entire area has a strong economic base and the cultural attractions are many.

I wonder if my local Staples has pre-made legal paperwork for applying for adoption?

Barring a hang up in being adopted by MIB, I am hereby taking a waiting list for those who would like to add me as a family member. After that, I’m using eBay.

11 Responses

  1. My goodness. This really needs clarification.

    Yeah, I did suggest a temporary marriage. But, I wasn’t even slightly thinking of getting rid of my romantic attachment to my wife. It was just to get papers. And, I thought it was silly.

    Oh yeah. You totally knew that I was being silly. I like how you recounted this not completely accurately. It’s a bit like the not complete accuracy of the recounting of my phone call.

    I’m thinking we should move to Perth or Sydney. Or Adelaide. Oh oh oh. We should play Scabble. I’ll try to set it up. I used to hate that game but I’m liking it now.

  2. Yeah we are both being silly. But I’m still offering myself up for adoption. “Dad…” 🙂

  3. I’m wondering if maybe you should adopt me. The whole time travel paradox with ages might confuse some people. “Mom…”

  4. Well, I AM older than you. I’d rather call you “Bro” like I do my brother. “Hey, Bro, whaddya know?”


  5. There’s an idea. Can one adopt a sibling?

  6. Can one adopt a sibling?

    In this world, anything is possible, as long as you have the right amount of money and the right crooked lawyer!

  7. […] misleading phrase is ‘my internet girlfriend’. That means Pandemonic. Yesterday, she wrote a lovely piece that included some information about how we feel about each other.  This article is a sort of […]

  8. Hmmph. I seem to have notification turned off. Anyway, I wrote a thing that links to this.

  9. Akismet caught it, ABS. I have thrown it out.

  10. You enjoy cleaning and laundry? How fast can you get here?

  11. How warm is it where you are, Middle?

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