Dreaming of A Greenhouse Effect

There is upcoming news on the wire that the area will again be hit with another heavy snowstorm. The weather people are predicting eight more inches on top of the six inches we received yesterday. And that was on top of the melting four or five inches that turned into a slick lake of frozen water in my backyard, successfully icing in my pear trees and grape vines.

Oh, whoopee!

I will try not to sound suicidal (or homicidal, right now, at this moment it could go either way) so I took an extra chill pill this morning. I’m beginning to think that the soothing effects of antidepressants are no longer working for me. In order to gather what little sanity I have left before spring (and believe me, I’ve lived through winters like this before. I’ll be surprised if it isn’t snowing on Mother’s Day.), I have decided to think positively, at least for today. I can’t promise what tomorrow will bring, besides the eight inches of snow.

Pardon moi, Al Gore, but I am dreaming of the Greenhouse Effect. It’s not that I want the entire Florida peninsula to disappear under rising sea water (although that would be great fun!), or the North Pole to dissolve leaving polar bears stranded on ice floes, but I need, I desire, I CRAVE some sunshine and fair weather over my own head.

Since I seem to be stranded here at Rust Belt Central, I am wondering if Mr. Demonic can construct a greenhouse for me, enough to cover our house and entire yard. Perhaps he can enlist the help of city leaders and get the entire downtown covered. I’m thinking that would be the best way to tackle the problem. You see, it is 1.1 miles from my house to my office. In between is the downtown area of my city. A large greenhouse spanning the area would solve all problems.

I hear that in Dubai, the rich sheiks there have constructed a similar dome and placed a ski resort in it. In Dubai, they are probably sick and tired of sunshine. You know what they say about the grass being greener somewhere else. They also have more money than a country or people should ever have.

My greenhouse would successfully remove the harshness of winter. Inside the dome, my plants would continue growing far beyond the first frost of October. In fact, I’m thinking winter vegetables can be grown. The Greenhouse Effect would mean my house plants can stay outside all winter. What a great deal for my orchids and cacti. Blooms all year round! I don’t need the scorching sun of Dubai, but it would be nice not to have to venture out in precipitation. Having a greenhouse would mean that what little sunlight makes its way through the clouds would be instantly magnified by glass.

If I had a greenhouse, I could sell my snowblower and shovels.

If I had a greenhouse, I could give away my fur and gloves.

If I had a greenhouse, I could effectively wear light sweaters and jackets all year. My shoes would never be caked with mud and salt.

If I had a greenhouse, I could choose when to put my boots on and go beyond.

Ah, dreams…

Does someone know a sheik’s address? Perhaps one will listen to a personal plea.

4 Responses

  1. I must tell you my feelings on greenhouses and a tale of wonder and glee. Time doesn’t permit right now.

    I will mention that the reason that I’m bald is because I’ve been using 30 cans of hairspray a day just in the hopes that it will hasten the greenhouse effect.

  2. Hairspray! Oh, that made me smile. I wonder what you’ve been using it on? 😉

  3. Pan…you’re a crack up!

    You need to go on one of those websites where they put your house up for a swap. You go to Dubai for a couple of weeks and stay in someone’s house and they come to yours! You should do that. Just knock Mr. Pandemonic out and he can deal with it when he wakes.

  4. “Just knock Mr. Pandemonic out and he can deal with it when he wakes.”

    Oh, yes! I hadn’t thought of that!

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