Odd Thoughts That Add Up To Good Stories

Over the weekend, my dear Mr. Demonic and I had our standard date night out at the local seafood grill. We try not to talk about business, but it’s hard since we own three of them and they are the parasites sucking the life out of us.

Both of us are over 50. I’m older than he is by about nine months. He thinks this is hilariously funny and that I’m so much older than he is. Never mind that we graduated from high school the same year. This has caused some tension, and for the past several years, I spend my birthdays in other locations, with people who love me. Well, with people who at least tolerate me. But that’s another story.

So, during dinner, we were discussing the awful economy. We couldn’t sell our house if we wanted to. Ditto for the business, and the buildings where the businesses are located. In one building, there is a 4,000 square foot space upstairs, that in a good economy, we could consider making genuine loft space out of. Right now, it’s rotting like the rest of the state.

Sometime after the grilled scallop appetizer (which was delicious, by the way), a heated discussion ensued about packing it all in and going elsewhere. We’ve had this discussion before. Mr. D, being a man, feels that giving up would be a coward’s way to act. On the other hand, I feel that it might save us from impending doom. Mr. D also has an unexplainable fondness for this state. Neither one of us is from here, and if I had my druthers, I’d be any place but here.

Mr. D then brought to my attention that he is too old to start over.


You’ve got to be shittin’ me, right?

This coming from the man who claims his gray hair is actually blond? Who says I’m getting old?

I tried to tell him that 50 is the new 30, but he wouldn’t have any of it.

The discussion led me to thinking over the weekend. (I know, I’m dangerous when I do that.) What if we were to sell everything and leave for pastures not as burnt up as those here?

Then I came up with a plan which later on, I thought would make a good story… I might work on that if I have more than ten seconds of time to myself.

I like going to cemeteries, so I could hunt up someone who is 15 years younger than me. (I think I could pass for late 30s. I’d be pushing it trying for anything younger.) Then, I would go and establish a whole new identity using the dead person’s information.

This would instantly make me a lot younger on paper. If a prospective employer asked my age, I could provide documentation showing that I am indeed 39.

I’m thinking the name of the story would be “Perpetually 39.” I think this scenario could lead to hi-jinks untold. I’m not sure I could pull off being fifteen years younger, but I could certainly give it the old college try.

Of course, doing this in real life would make me a law breaker at the least and a felon at the most, so I will not consider it as a viable option. I want to get out of this state, not be stuck in prison in it.


10 Responses

  1. Aww c’mon, you’ll never get caught! Give it a go!

  2. Depending on your taste in books, you might enjoy the “Jane Whitehead” series by Thomas Perry.

    These are charming and vicious thrillers, starring Jane, who is half Seneca Indian (set in our contemprary times). She helps “disappea” people; that is she takes people who are in danger (sometimes because they were involved with mischief, but not because they were evil) and helps them spirit themselves away and take on new identities. Perry has obviously studied the process of running a do-it-yourself witness protection program in considerable detail, so his fictional books are full of canny detail. Jane is to my eye, a delightful kickbutt heroine. Perry also specializes in the study of sociopaths, so his books are full portraits of such monsters, also portrayed with loving detail. My wife liked Jane, but after reading a couple of the books, she decided Perry is too scary for her.

    If sociopaths are more to your taste, Perry wrote two books (different from the Jane series) in which the hero is a sociopathic contract killer. He makes the reader identify and sympathize with this protaganist; I find the authorly slight of hand by which he does this quite fascinating.

    I agree: there’s something wrong with me. But the Jane books will give you some good tips on your scheme to adopt a new identity.

  3. “disappeaR people”

    “full OF portraits”

    Can’t write worth a dam.

  4. LOL… That’s Can’t write worth a damn. Unless you want the Hoover Dam to write for you…

    Sounds like a good read, and I will investigate that. Meaning, throw more books on the pile of things to read.

  5. Come on over to Australia 🙂

  6. Gosh, Truce. You’ve been inviting me all over my posts. I’m sure you will be most surprised when I show up on your doorstep. House guest?

  7. I bet you’d love Australia. They have California-like weather and it’s beautiful there. Or so I believe. I’d love to go there, even for a short visit.

    We should run away together and visit Australia!

  8. Okay by me, Corina. At least I wouldn’t have to learn a foreign language to go there. I can give up on my Japanese!

  9. That’s a fun idea for a story. Maybe you should tell your husband you’re thinking of trading him in for a peppier model, since in his case, apparently 50 is the new 60.

  10. David… 🙂

    Thanks for the smile.

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