Grooving on My “Initech” Voice

Tuesdays are slower than Mondays around here, and I am caught up with all my work. When things slow down like this, I answer the phones with the rest of the girls in the office.

Back in the olden days before we had automatic answering installed, I was quick on the draw. I could almost feel a phone call coming in, and answer it with lightning speed. I personally don’t care for automatic answering. It pisses me off royally when my own outgoing calls are answered by machines. I appreciate the human voice.

My kids think I am the original screamer, and I have what they call my “pterodactyl” voice. This usually comes out when I’m excited or angry. Usually excited. I’m too tired to be very angry these days. Conversely, I can even out my voice so that it sounds smooth as glass. I can answer the phone using my business pipes and sound so good, callers have remarked that I sound like the answering machine. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or bad.

Of course, now I’m a little bit older. I have more duties than I did then, and add to that the fact that I have the internet at work and have been playing on it for the last few years. In the last year or so, I’ve been writing when I might have been answering the phones, but that’s another tangent of working at writing while at work. It’s like playing Bejeweled or IMing a friend. A time-waster, for sure.

Like I said, today, since I was so bored, I decided to answer more phone calls than normal. After a while, I started to use my “Initech” voice. If you’ve ever watched the movie Office Space, you would know what I’m talking about. Here’s a little taste of it:

The receptionist answering the phone in the background – you can see it at about 2:38 – of the mayhem does so with a voice that borders on mechanical, yet is feminine. It’s high pitched chirp is most annoying. I can emulate the “Initech” receptionist, “Thank you for calling [insert my business name here]” so perfectly, it’s almost scary. In fact, I can get to the point of liking it. A lot.

Obviously, business is down and I need more things to do.


8 Responses

  1. Uh oh, sounds like somebody has a case of the Mondays!


  2. Cultivate a few fake regional accents. Develop a faux stutter.

  3. LOL, Little Fisher Price Doll. I had an employee once (now a drama major, go figure) who did just that. She had us in stitches. She could go from Chinese to British to Jamaican from one call to the other. It was so comical, we were lucky to get anything done. Of course, she didn’t do this when the tall, thin cranky boss (Mr. D) was around.

  4. My three sisters, my mom, and I all sound alike on the phone (not as much these days now that my mom is in the second half of her 70’s). When I was in high school, more than once, I got in trouble when my mom answered the phone and my friends, thinking it was me, blabbed away about something my mom wasn’t supposed to know. So yeah, I changed my voice enough so that my friends wouldn’t mix us up.

    I think the Little Fisher Price Doll has a great idea. You could entertain yourself and the rest of the office staff if you did it. You wouldn’t be bored, either. I’ll send my son. He’s great at “voices”. He’ll teach you.

  5. What’s depressing is when your son answers the phone and they think it’s you. No lie. . .

  6. Ohhh… that IS depressing.

  7. LFC — I’ve unintentionally done that to a few pre-adolescent boys, and felt horrible about it … but damn, some of them really do sound like women.

    Pan, I too often cannot be distinguished from my own voice mail. Like, I’ll answer the phone with my customary “David Rochester,” and people wait for the beep.

  8. My God I love this movie! I do that voice really well also. It’s….scary at times. But I love that it freaks people out. Business is slow here in the summer. I’m thinking about bringing some flour, water and newspapers to work and making papier mache art… 🙂

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