Introducing: Me as Boss

Some people are having a hard time in their work environment. I don’t know the person well, but I’m pretty sure it has very little to do with him. It might be his boss. It could also possibly be the explosive mingling of two divergent personalities.

I’m the boss of my business. Well, okay, I’m the co-boss. My other half, Mr. Demonic, is the other boss.

Some will tell you that I’m a tough boss. I disagree. What we do is not brain surgery. It doesn’t require a PhD, although we have a few on our staff with those degrees. All it requires is some common sense and courtesy. In the past few years, I’ve noticed that most people are hard-pressed to possess these fine qualities.

I may fly off the handle, but I usually warn people well in advance. If the infraction is heinous, you may witness the top of my head flying off. It’s a momentary distraction, a temporary release of steam. My co-workers tell me I will probably have heart failure one of these days, but in actuality, I need to release the stress before I hurt myself, or others.

Mr. Demonic used to be the boss everyone would cower from. Now he has conferred that title to me. I have no problem being a scary boss. I think every person should be reasonably afraid of their boss. I am not your friend, and you don’t want me to be your friend.

For the most part, I’m fairly easy to get along with. We own a business where our employees are largely unsupervised. I haven’t met a lot of them, because they work for us in other cities in our state. We trust them to do the job correctly, to treat our customers with respect, and to turn in all of the money they collect.

Over the years, we’ve had to hire people who do the exact opposite of all of those things. That’s because the candidate pool was pretty deep and there weren’t enough of them to go around. Now there’s a potential employee hiding under every rock. My problem employees don’t do what they are paid to do, and instead run errands, talk on the phone or eat when they should be working. Some of them are mean to our students and their parents, or they’re combative with their co-workers. A few of them think it’s their God given right to rip us off. These are the ones who I usually catch falsifying important records like their time sheets. People like that will steal cash without a second thought.

If you’re an especially good employee, I will reward you with lots of time off, a fat paycheck, and other perks. I don’t have a problem with good employees, and like to keep them.

However, the “bad” employees make me want to get a weapon and use it. Bad employees give me a stomach ache. It is for all of these reasons that I long to win the lottery and retire to a small plot of land in the city limits of San Francisco, preferably within walking distance of the ocean.

I’m not looking to hire anyone (unless you are a college student needing a part time job in the evenings) but if you have the right amount of money, you can buy the place from me. I’m looking for an excuse to be a full time farmer.

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8 Responses

  1. You couldn’t pay me enough to teach people to drive. I’m currently teaching 16 yr old to drive and that’s plenty nerve-wracking, thanks.

    I wonder what I’d be like as boss. I guess it would depend on the employees.

  2. I don’t teach, Heathenly. I know my limitations. I’m a screamer in the office, so you know how I’d be in a car with a teenager. I didn’t even teach my own children to drive!

    As for the employees, it’s more or less a love-hate relationship.

  3. Pande,

    This is all well said. I was the boss for years, until I sold the practice, now I’m just one of the guys. (Or girls that is, I work with almost all women.)

    When I was the boss this one rule almost always covered it: We are here for the patients. The office is about the patients. I am the Doc, and it ain’t about me, and it is not about a clerk who missed a coffee break, either. It is about the patients. (In your business, it is about the customer, I guess) When it isn’t about them we have lost our purpose and should all go home. The ones who couldn’t get it and thought the place was about them were the bad employees every time.

    I try to be a nice guy, but If I went up front and someone was reading Cosmopolitan instead of tending to a patient, I was not nice. The good employees (some now going on 25 years) always got it. The bad employees (there were only a few- they are gone now) never did.

    I enjoyed that part of my life, but now that I am a semi-retired gentleman farmer Doc, I’ll never be a boss again. It is the world’s hardest job, and I have done ’em all.

    Dr. B

  4. You’re the second person this week to tell me they wanted to be a farmer. What’s up with that?

  5. I was a tough-but-fair boss, and most of my employees became my friends. I don’t miss it, though. Strangely, I would much rather work for someone else than be in charge. I’m good with neither decisions nor responsibility, really.

  6. I’m moving back into being a boss. The good ones have nothing to fear. 😉

  7. Dr. B, I know what you mean about reading the Cosmo. In my office, the phone would be ringing and someone would be too busy “reading” to pick it up. (Or text messaging her boyfriend, or eating, or whatever.) We do none of our business online, all of it on the phone, so it’s very important. I’ve been trying to tell the other half that this job is way more difficult than just being the worker bee. It’s a tough sell to a Type A personality.

    Wanda, when you move out to the country, the first thing I want you to do is to plant something. Tend it. Watch it grow. Then you’ll see what I mean about wanting to become a farmer.

  8. “All it requires is some common sense and courtesy. In the past few years, I’ve noticed that most people are hard-pressed to possess these fine qualities.”

    Word.

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