Competitive Depression

Hand it to Random Name to give me a smile at least once every couple of weeks. He did it again today.

At the end of this New Permanent First Post of Blog for 2009, he responded to a comment I made, where he coined the term “competitive depression.”

Well, okay, maybe he didn’t say it exactly, but I knew what he meant.

I was comparing my dire circumstances (which aren’t really that dire) to those of our dear David Rochester, who for some reason seems to have the worst luck in the world. At times. Other times, I find Mr. Rochester’s posts to be amusing glimpses into his life. (Honestly, David. I’m not laughing at you, I’m laughing with you.)

As many of you might know, I suffer from SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). I came by the diagnosis quite late in life. It was only a couple of years ago when I was talking to my doctor about something unrelated that she pointed out all my depressive episodes occurred in winter. There was a light bulb moment and a hastily scrawled prescription. (Nowadays, they just send the script to the pharmacy online. No need for paper or the World MD/English Dictionary to translate messy MD writing.

January was a particularly brutal month for me, as we had only three days of temperatures over 30 degrees (Farenheit, not Celcius), and the sun did little shining. As I look at our sales figures for that month, we were 25% down from the same month last year, which was 23% down from 2007. There were other upsets as well, but there always seems to be more of them at the beginning of the year.

The glory days are over, and I for one am scrambling for a Plan B. Mr. Demonic, I believe, thinks he will die of a heart attack or some other malaise before he’s 60, only because his people have a long history of early demise. When he said it again last weekend, I replied, “Oh, sure. Die and leave me all alone to deal with this mess.” It would be a mess too, not counting the clutter in Mr. D’s office.

I once worked at a federal agency where we were ruled by tyrannical sadists who liked to browbeat their workers. That is a true story. It was the kind of federal agency that was well known for having employees turn on their coworkers and gun them down in fits of rage because of the inequity of it all. As a former government worker, I can tell you that working for the government is no cakewalk.

But I digress… We employees would get together (working) and hash out the latest botched plan of one of the supervisors. Of course, we weren’t supposed to be talking to each other, that was a no-no. I was amazed at how negativity breeds negativity. By the end of our ten hour shift, we were all so beaten down, we headed straight for the bar. Thank God, the bar opened at 7 a.m.

Sure, being drunk by 10 a.m. wasn’t the optimal solution, but it was the only one I had at the time.

Let me say now that I’m not competing with anyone for the prize of Most Depressed. I like to think I’m a good-natured and basically happy cynic. If Rochester wants the coveted prize, he can have it.

🙂

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13 Responses

  1. I’ll see your depression and raise you one panic attack.

  2. Hot toddy? It’s too cold for margaritas…

  3. Oh, hell. It’s never too cold for Margaritas.

  4. When you head my way, Pan, maybe you should grab Ina and bring her with.

  5. I’m too beaten down to compete. I’ll just stay on the sidelines and maintain my amateur depressive status.

  6. Yes, I think a road trip is in order. I’ll grab Ina, head to you, and then we’ll roll over to Jackie’s. I hear it’s warm down there.

  7. Oh, and you’re right Ina. I had a couple of margaritas last night at Outback. Expensive, but oh so good.

  8. I highly applaud self-medicating.

  9. Gee. I’m the good girl that listens when she’s told that alcohol is bad for depression. I stay away from it and I’m still depressed. Maybe I should take a cue from you.

  10. Ina, I will see your panic attack (actually, I don’t want to see it) and raise you one existential dilemma.

  11. modestypress, I’l see your existential dilemma and raise you one very bad pedicure.

  12. all of you, come on over here to Australia. S’riously. Its sunny more of the year and I, for one, have found it has made a profound difference to my depressive tendencies. Like, I can actually get out of bed in the morning and am not in tears 3 nights out of 5. 🙂

  13. oh, and I steer clear of alcohol, caffeine, sugar and late nights… I’m sure most people would immediately assume that there would be no point living such a deprived life, but I don’t miss any of them and certainly don’t miss the depression they inevitably heighten/deepen.

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