Odd Thoughts That Add Up To Good Stories

Over the weekend, my dear Mr. Demonic and I had our standard date night out at the local seafood grill. We try not to talk about business, but it’s hard since we own three of them and they are the parasites sucking the life out of us.

Both of us are over 50. I’m older than he is by about nine months. He thinks this is hilariously funny and that I’m so much older than he is. Never mind that we graduated from high school the same year. This has caused some tension, and for the past several years, I spend my birthdays in other locations, with people who love me. Well, with people who at least tolerate me. But that’s another story.

So, during dinner, we were discussing the awful economy. We couldn’t sell our house if we wanted to. Ditto for the business, and the buildings where the businesses are located. In one building, there is a 4,000 square foot space upstairs, that in a good economy, we could consider making genuine loft space out of. Right now, it’s rotting like the rest of the state.

Sometime after the grilled scallop appetizer (which was delicious, by the way), a heated discussion ensued about packing it all in and going elsewhere. We’ve had this discussion before. Mr. D, being a man, feels that giving up would be a coward’s way to act. On the other hand, I feel that it might save us from impending doom. Mr. D also has an unexplainable fondness for this state. Neither one of us is from here, and if I had my druthers, I’d be any place but here.

Mr. D then brought to my attention that he is too old to start over.

TOO OLD!?

You’ve got to be shittin’ me, right?

This coming from the man who claims his gray hair is actually blond? Who says I’m getting old?

I tried to tell him that 50 is the new 30, but he wouldn’t have any of it.

The discussion led me to thinking over the weekend. (I know, I’m dangerous when I do that.) What if we were to sell everything and leave for pastures not as burnt up as those here?

Then I came up with a plan which later on, I thought would make a good story… I might work on that if I have more than ten seconds of time to myself.

I like going to cemeteries, so I could hunt up someone who is 15 years younger than me. (I think I could pass for late 30s. I’d be pushing it trying for anything younger.) Then, I would go and establish a whole new identity using the dead person’s information.

This would instantly make me a lot younger on paper. If a prospective employer asked my age, I could provide documentation showing that I am indeed 39.

I’m thinking the name of the story would be “Perpetually 39.” I think this scenario could lead to hi-jinks untold. I’m not sure I could pull off being fifteen years younger, but I could certainly give it the old college try.

Of course, doing this in real life would make me a law breaker at the least and a felon at the most, so I will not consider it as a viable option. I want to get out of this state, not be stuck in prison in it.

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