Update on the Lazy Woman

Despite recent reports from local weathermen, rain has refused to fall out of the sky. Instead, we find our humidity clinging to every blade of grass, every dirty, disgusting muscle shirt, and every sweaty-assed landscaper. Believe me, I’ve seen plenty of all three of those things in my yard just in the last week.

When it doesn’t rain, Mr. Demonic goes crazy with the watering. He thinks it’s important to have green grass. As the grass cutter of the family, I do not think it’s important. He thinks the grass will “die.” In all of my experience at this house and others, grass does NOT die if it doesn’t get water. This is because regular lawn grass is a member of the Weed Family. It just goes into a dormancy until the next downpour.

The past week of hot and humid has made this Demonic lazy. However, since the other half has gone hog-wild with sprinkling, today I have had to drag my limp butt out of bed early this morning to mow the front yard. Even though I started at 6:45, I was a whipped, stinky, sweaty mess by 7:30.

However, you can’t tell Mr. Demonic to stop watering.

As for other Lazy Woman News, the kitchen has been largely dark. This is because Mr. Demonic is thrifty (i.e. cheap) and refuses to turn the A/C on downstairs. I can’t have both ovens going without A/C. This, in turn, has caused quite a bit of consternation over on the Left Coast, where Mr. Demonic Junior’s roommate has threatened to have the Hell’s Angels come and pay me a visit, and it doesn’t sound like a friendly one. I believe him, since the dude writes for a motorcycle magazine and a guitar magazine. He’s made it abundantly clear that chocolate chip cookies had better be forthcoming or else I would be in deep trouble.

I guess I will turn the A/C on today and bake some cookies.

I took advantage of the heat to finish another book. It’s relaxing to sit right under a ceiling fan and read. You will have to read my book page to find out which one it was.

A recent check of the weather shows more promise of rain. I won’t believe it until I see it, though.

The Lazy Woman’s Summer Dinner

There’s nothing like high temperatures and even higher humidity to make a woman lazy. As you can see from yesterday’s post, I’ve all of a sudden been all about doing nothing. Well, as little as humanly possible. I can barely stand to practice the violin, as I get all perspiry in a matter of minutes. Ditto the yoga, which I’ve been trying to do a little of each day. I was only able to tackle two hours of weeding, and I definitely have another eight on the horizon. If the weather doesn’t let up, I won’t mow the lawn until September.

Yesterday’s dinner was all about chilly foods. We had cold cut sandwiches, fruit salad and pasta salad. I should amend that; the pasta salad, which originally had farfalle, chopped olives, chopped tomatoes and cucumbers (from the garden), onions and feta, was without something significant. LIKE PASTA. That’s because unbeknownst to us, my daughter decided to pick through the container and eat all of the bow-ties before dinner.

Today, it’s even hotter outside, and the humidity is far more brutal. My husband, the Dear Mr. Demonic, is already talking about dinner. I don’t even want to eat, much less think about preparing food. (This is very unusual, since I’m rather a food snob and would love nothing better than to cook all day long.)

Tonight’s dinner will consist of cucumbers and grape tomatoes (because I have plenty of those lying about) and maybe some melon. Homemade mustard potato salad and Italian sandwiches with cappacola, prosciutto and genoa salamis. And a tall glass of refreshing lemonade (hand squeezed), with or without a shot of something extra.

Or maybe I’ll just lie under the ceiling fan with my current book of the moment and try not to expend any energy.