Why Didn’t They Steal The Cucumbers!?

My last post dealt with a conspicuous absence of pears.

Today’s will touch on the cucumber plants that took over the world.

I have three: two regular, and one fancy-schmancy Japanese burpless. (There are pickling cukes in the color bowls on my deck, but I’m not counting them. I made dill pickles last night with those.) These three plants have managed to inundate this family and everyone we know with cucumbers.

Here are just a few of them, if you don’t believe me:

I can’t pick them fast enough.

When I pick a half dozen in the morning, I leave with the mistaken impression that I will not have to pick again for a couple of days.


I could easily pick a half dozen in the evening too.

I don’t know what Mr. Demonic is going to do while I’m gone for a week. I have visions of returning home to cucumbers the size of small watermelons. (Speaking of watermelons, I have a couple of those too.)

All I want to know is, why didn’t they steal the cucumbers!?


I returned home from work yesterday afternoon, and found that someone, something ROBBED MY PEAR TREE!

No crap. Check it out.

There were at least two dozen pears on it yesterday morning, all about the size of ping pong balls. When I pulled in next to the tree last night, there was ONE. That’s the one on the right. For all I know, that one might be gone by today when I get home.

I wish I could say that pear guts were all over the yard, but there wasn’t anything for debris.

I’m so depressed, I don’t know what to do. No canned pears this year. No poached pears. No pears flambe.

I need a drink. Make mine a pear flavored cosmo, and make it a double.