Fighting the Good Fight

I try to get a few things done over the weekend, and when I wasn’t looking, Wanda’s  waged War  against the skinny website.

I refuse to capitalize the title, linketize them or give them any more clicks than I have to. For the sake of my bud, I went in, I looked around, and I left disgusted.

Now, I don’t have anything against skinny girls, seeing that I was once a painfully skinny girl myself. I have been likened to a zipper if I turned sideways, and all of those other horrible yuck-yuck jokes that people made. According to my kids, my smallness was way back when dinosaurs roamed the earth and everything was in black and white. While some may think I am still “thin,” I have actually filled out over the last couple of decades. I’ve gained 28 pounds since marrying Mr. Demonic, which is more than one fourth what I weighed before I married him.

I know I’ll never see size 2 again, but I don’t want to lose track of where I am, which is size 4. (Yeah, don’t get out the tomatoes yet.) I’ve been on a lackadaisical diet which includes cereal, lots of fruits and vegetables and nuts. I’ve also been working out, also half-heartedly. My whole heart might be more involved, but I’m doing this exercise in the confines of a claustrophobic basement. It’s dark, and there are centipedes down there. Twenty-five minutes is the absolute most time I’ll spend there working up a sweat.

I do this, not only to keep from buying a completely new wardrobe, but for health reasons. There’s a line of high cholesterol and heart disease in my family, as well as adult onset diabetes. Now that I’ve rounded the bend past 50, I want to take care of myself so I can last another 50 years. After all, I need to live long enough to be a real pain in the posterior to my children.

I do agree with Wanda that celebrating skinny is rather, well… dumb. Is there a web site celebrating all the fat girls? What about people of normal sizes and shapes? I’m rather amazed and distressed to find all of the usual subjects on the skinny web site: the Kardashians, Kate Hudson, Catherine Zeta Jones, the Olson twins, and more Kates, Kellies and Jennifers than I’d ever want to shake a skinny stick at.

I can understand Wanda’s overwhelming need to take her sharp wit and wield it like a dagger upon the skinny girls and those who idolize them. But, Wanda, Baby, I implore you! Don’t waste your talents on this! Your monumentally wicked tongue and lovely rear end should be championing some other cause, like the extermination of squirrels in my neighborhood. Now there’s a fight worth fighting.

Stew, anyone?