Silly Employee Musings

For some reason, our line of work attracts the weirdest people.

Most of our employees are teachers who are doing this parttime to make extra money. During my long exposure to those in academia, I have found several traits common among most of them.

For one thing, teachers often give birth to teachers. They also marry teachers. This makes sense, since that’s their world. They probably meet members of the opposite (or same, what do I know?) sex at work, date and then marry.

However, it’s really confusing for me, especially around payroll time. We have two Boones, two Gilberts, two Gregorys, two Stouts, two Smiths. And of course, at one point we had four Demonics.

We have also attracted an assortment of other characters.

My favorite weird employee is Mr. Tang. That’s his real name. He’s Chinese, and he’s crazy Chinese. He yells in English as I would imagine him yelling to his wife in Chinese. When I get on the phone with him, I yell back, with an accent. “MEEEESTER TAAAAANG!” Mr. Tang brings us donuts every so often, but I just smell them and let the rest of the office eat them.

A2 is another case. She’s still 15, but looks older. There was something about her when I hired her, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Last week, I found out why she looks familiar. She is half Japanese, but you wouldn’t know it since she has a punk haircut and she’s blond. Her Facebook page sports several strange photos of her and her girlfriend posing inside of a front-loading dryer.

We also employ several people who have no business teaching anyone how to do anything. They are mean, short tempered and lack customer service and care. However, I’m pretty sure those people could also not get a job elsewhere. The ability to teach well is precisely why I don’t teach. I’m a screamer, and I know it. I’m thinking Mr. D feels a kinship with some of these people, or they have other somewhat redeeming qualities, like showing up to work on time. I don’t know. If it were my dynasty, I would have ordered the heads off those guys long ago.

There are also several employees who must think we are stupid. These are the ones who run away with money and think we won’t notice, or short the kids from time and think no one will complain. It’s hard to find an honest person in this day and age. In fact, I often make the rounds and visit class rooms unannounced to see what the hell is going on. That’s the fun part of my job, reconnaissance missions. Most of my employees have never met me, so it’s easy to do.

A lot of our employees have no inkling of proper manners. Case in point, last Christmas, we had an open house with food and drink. One guy, known for his stash of snacks, came in and slurped down several shrimp in a matter of seconds, hanging them high above his head before inhaling them whole. After that, I couldn’t eat a thing.

Of course, I’m not exempt from stereotype either. Many employees, having only spoken to me over the phone, think I am blond and a lot taller than I really am. I must exude a certain amount of silliness and a tad bit of airheadedness myself. I know some of them think I’m a bitch.

Then they meet me and see a short, partially Asian woman.

It must drive them nuts! 🙂