I Wish I Could Still Fit into My Bikini…

‘Nuff said.

Major Annoyances vs. Minor Annoyances

I’m feeling rather out of sorts and grumpy today. In my other life, at that other web site, I would have unleashed a rant of monumental proportions about one thing or another. I like ranting. It is in my personality to explode like Mt. Saint Helens and to quickly cool down like snowfall on Florida orange groves. Ranting is a good way to release a bad temper. It’s much better than internalizing your rage and developing an ulcer. Writing about your feelings is more constructive than throwing glassware, kicking the dog or ripping up your Significant Other’s clothing. Those things (and more) I did when angered, back in the day when I was in my early 20s. You can blame an explosive personality on genes or poor upbringing. I guess I could blame mine on both. At the time, I used to do yoga and meditate over an hour a day. I wonder how much more destructive I could have been without it.

Sometime in my late 30s, I gave up when it came to tossing dishes into the fireplace. For one thing, it becomes rather costly to replace all those plates. (Don’t believe Corelle; those dishes can be broken, too.) For another, I had small children then, and it wasn’t a positive influence. Ms. Demonic then grew up. It didn’t happen overnight; oh, no, I’m not a goddess. My change in demeanor came slowly and thoughtfully. Eventually, I didn’t do anything physical when becoming annoyed or angered. The one thing I didn’t lose was my sharp wit and acid tongue. So, yes, now I blow up like a mini-volcano on occasion, usually at the office and sometimes at home.

Today I was thinking of Major Annoyances versus Minor Annoyances. I like to think that all annoyances are temporary obstacles, not anything that will be parked in my garage for long. So the following will be a list of major and minor annoyances.

Major Annoyance: Smelling the same employee who refuses to take a shower more than once a month, even though he’s been spoken to, and we deal with the public. The same employee is a major thorn in my side. He’s what I would call Mr. Demonic’s “bitch,” i.e., he follows Mr. Demonic around and does whatever he tells him to do. The guy is a liar and a cheat and once owed us $10K. He’s also a bigot and told me where to go on many occasions. I only put up with him because we’re the beneficiaries of his life insurance, oh, and because Mr. Demonic likes him.

Minor Annoyance: An employee who comes in ten minutes late every day. The other employee, meanwhile, is getting majorly annoyed. Hmm… Maybe I should rethink this minor annoyance and put it on the major pedestal.

Major Annoyance: Wintertime. I suffer from SAD and I’m more depressed this time of year. I need sunshine; I crave it like a big fat kitty cat. I hate snow, but I hate cold worse. I’d rather have a foot of snow with 40 degree weather. There’s only one place on earth where you can get that, and it’s not where we live.

Minor Annoyance: Heat. Since I like summertime, I don’t care if it’s 102 and humid. It’s a hundred times better than winter.

Major Annoyance: No sex at all.

Minor Annoyance: Not enough sex.

Major Annoyance: Being called into the office of your child’s principal when he stabbed someone with a pencil. This is especially annoying when you have to drive forty miles to get there, and the other kid taunted him. When you get your kid into the car, you want to kill both him and Mr. Demonic.

Minor Annoyance: Being called into the office of your child’s principal when he said the “S” word. Like he didn’t learn that at school? I didn’t start swearing in front of my kids until a couple of years ago. This happened when the kid was in first grade!

Major Annoyance: Standing in a checkout line when you have a temperature of 105 and feel like throwing up, and the line isn’t moving. Or, standing in the same line right after you’ve had a spat with the spouse and want to cry or kill someone.

Minor Annoyance: Teaching someone obviously not from this country to use the U-Scan so you can get the f*** out of the store before the sun sets in three hours.

I could go on and on, but I don’t think I will. I think I’ll read a book, and if that doesn’t help my mood, try to think of only the minor annoyances.